Secrets and Covenants - Darkest Dreams
by Samantha M. Quinn
Summary: After a personal tragedy, Bella returns to Forks to start her final year in high-school. At first everything seems better, almost enough to forget. Until something happens that changes everything.


**Title: Darkest Dreams** **  
 **Genre:** ** Drama, Romance, Mystery, Thriller, Horror  
 **World:** Twilight - Books, The Vampire Diaries/Originals - Television Series' **  
 **Rating**** : MA - Very dark and disturbing themes involving graphic violence (including sexual violence), language, and adult subject matter *No Lemons* **  
 **Couples:** ** Spoilers!  
 **Changes to Canon:** See details in Author's Notes

 _Twilight is owned by a bunch of people and corporate entities that are not me. I fully acknowledge that I am using those characters without permission, but with no intent to distribute for profit. In other words, no Copyright infringement is intended!_

* * *

 _ **Chapter One: Arrival**_

 _\- Isabella Marie Swan, 17 years old._

 _Sunday, September 1_

 _"_ _I set fire to the rain._ _Watched it pour as I touched your face._ _Let it burn while I cried._ _Cause I heard it screaming out your name._ _" - Adele_

The September rain was thick and moved horizontally in rivulets across the partially fogged up passenger side window. The deluge was so dense that for a second I wished I was out in the downpour, then I could hide the tears actively streaming down my face. I hated crying, but I couldn't seem to stop myself despite the company. Even though my emotions were on the surface, deep down I'd only just started to get over the numbness of grief.

I had been enveloped in a grey cloud for nearly two weeks, which had only begun to fade on the plane, unfortunately it was replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread. I was returning to Forks, a small town nestled within the Olympic Peninsula in the northwest corner of Washington State. I'd already escaped the rain drenched town once five years ago when my mother Renee married a minor league baseball player named Phillip Marlow and settled down in Phoenix, Arizona.

I would miss Phoenix; the blistering heat, the friendly people, and the blindingly bright blue sky. And I would miss my flaky and eccentric mother, and her crazy stories about the endless string of dead end jobs she could never keep for longer than six months. I would miss her uneven attempts at cooking, and the lessons she taught me when she talked about the stupid nights of her reckless adolescence. I would miss her voice and her laugh, I would miss her smile and the smell of her hair, I would miss a thousand little things about her. Mostly though, I would just miss her, every day for the rest of my life.

It had been twelve days since the drunk driver plowed into Phil's cherry red Cadillac. I buried them both on a Thursday and my heart wept. She was the one that always made me laugh, she was my confidant and best friend. She loved life, and had a spark of energy that seemed to make things seem bright even on my darkest day. All of those things I loved about her were gone, because of some fucking moron who had too much to drink, and got behind the wheel of a car. I'm not a hateful or vengeful person normally, but as I heard some stranger deliver her eulogy, I hoped the sonofabitch would rot in hell. It didn't matter who he was, or that his family was in mourning too. I was just glad he was dead.

It was Charlie's expression that sent me over the edge. Until I saw the pain on his face, crossed with a touch of pity, I couldn't really see my own grief. Of course it was a reflection, because his pain mirrored my own. Mom divorced Dad pretty early on, but they both felt it wasn't a great idea to move me around too much. Until I was ten, I spent the school year in Forks, and several weeks of my summer vacation with Mom. She would show up with a different car every time, and we'd travel in a random direction until we reached some equally random destination. Like the desert in Maine, or the forbidden gardens in Texas, or Lucy the Elephant in New Jersey, to name a few.

It was fun, most of the time. Until we started to run out of money, and we had to stop in some god awful dusty little town somewhere in the rural outback of America. I didn't know what she did to get us going again, but we were never stranded for longer than a couple of days. Everything changed when she met Phil. It was like the world suddenly righted itself for her, and she never needed to wander again. Until she settled down with him, she never had a place she really called home. She hadn't lived with Dad for years but still listed his house as her permanent address, and still got all her mail sent there. A fact that used to really drive Charlie a bit nuts.

It was because she was settled, and I had started to detest Forks, that I begged Dad to let me move in with Mom. I was almost eleven when he finally relented and I transferred to Phoenix for school that year. That following summer was the first time I refused to go back to Forks. Instead, Dad and I vacationed in California. The year after, it was Hawaii. The summer after that we went to visit Dad's sister Marie, and her family up in Denali, Alaska.

I remember wondering if it was something genetic that seemed to draw my Dad's family to small remote towns, cursed with constant cold and rain. Talk about a weird summer vacation. It wasn't too bad though. Marie's twin girls Helena and Margaret, were just a little older than me and they were both fun to hang out with. I spent most of my time there playing fantasy games in the vast and beautiful Alaskan wilderness by their house. We'd also make up stores about the odd and incredibly gorgeous family that lived in a giant house on the outskirts of town. I think we were all just trying to imagine what it would be like to be that rich and beautiful.

The following two years weren't nearly as memorable, since Dad's vacation time was shortened because of his promotion to the Chief of Police. I knew that he missed me terribly when I was gone, and the years apart from him were tough on me as well. I just didn't like to think of how much it hurt him to be separated from me. Until one afternoon in July when Mom was working in the garden, and I caught her crying. She covered that she had dirt in her eyes, but I could tell it was time. I'd seen that look on my father's face the last few years when he hugged me goodbye at the airport. In that moment, I realized I could solve both problems with one simple solution; I would move back in with Dad.

I had planned to move back to Forks after winter break. I had it all worked out, I'd decided to broach the subject with Mom after school got started. If I'd done it in the few days after seeing her cry in her garden she'd have known I was doing it for her, and she would've absolutely refused. Cutting off your nose to spite your face, was a trait that seemed to run in her side of the family. At least it explained where I inherited my stubbornness. I knew she wouldn't have let me go, even if it made her happier in the long run. I even practiced having the inevitable argument that I'd have with her. Prepping counters to all her logical objections.

I never got the opportunity.

Callie had helped figure out everything since she was the executer of both Phil and Mom's joint will. I was their sole beneficiary. She'd been mom's best friend for going on six years. I loved her like a crazy aunt, but she was awesome when I needed her most. We laughed, and told stories, and packed. Neither of us could cry though, it was just too close to admitting that Mom was gone. Phil's family showed up a few days later. Dad couldn't get away from work for the funeral; or at least that's what he said, I was pretty sure it was an excuse, since they hadn't spoken face to face since I'd moved to Phoenix.

My luggage was full of cold weather clothes that Callie helped me pick out. Yet I wore a white short-sleeve eyelet lace shirt as a goodbye gesture to the sun, and the life I was leaving behind. That was another thing I'd miss, the sun. Forks was almost always overcast. Cloudy and rainy, which was probably my least favorite thing in the world. I hated the rain.

"You call me." She said for the thousandth time. It was the last time we'd see each other for a long time, and it was nearly impossible to say goodbye. Callie behind the wheel was an iffy prospect at best. She seemed to regard traffic signs and lights as vague suggestions. 'The light wasn't red, it was pink,' was a constant refrain after the sound of honking horns. We'd made it to the airport with an hour to spare, just enough time to check in. "I could keep the house for you." I almost said yes, but I could see the sacrifice behind her eyes. I stared at her for a long minute, memorizing her face. It was funny but I'd never noticed that I looked more like her than I did like my mother. That was probably because I got most of my looks from my father, my dark hair and porcelain skin. My eyes were my mother's though, and I also got her smile. Not that I used it as much as she had.

"I can't let you do that, I said we should split the money and I meant it." I had offered her an even split of the profits from the sale of the house, because mom would've loved it. The rest of their estate, including life insurance, was already more money than I knew what to do with.

"Okay… if you really mean it. Say hello to your family for me." I hugged her again, holding her a bit longer than needed. Then I raced through airport security, and to my gate just as my boarding group was called.

The plane trip was tolerable; at least it wasn't filled with annoying people, or crying babies. Either one would have had me eyeing the nearest escape hatch enviously. Since it was a morning flight, almost everyone napped. I listened to music and tried to read, but I was too anxious and miserable. After that four hour flight, there was the puddle jumper to Port Angeles which was barely an hour up and down, and I could practically feel my anxiety level rising with every foot we descended. Then I was cautiously walking down the slippery steps toward the tarmac, where I could just make out Charlie standing stoically in the rain. He had his uniform hat on, complete with the translucent plastic cover to protect the fabric from the elements. From a distance I could just make out the silver of his badge poking through the sheer white vinyl.

We exchanged a single tight hug and I kept my face away from him as the tears began to roll down my cheeks. We didn't speak a word until we got to the car. It was his cruiser of course, which made me frown because I was dreading having him drive me all over town in it. I had already mentally nicknamed it the 'loser cruiser', which was lame, but so was the prospect of being chauffeured around in it. My only hope was that he would let me buy the car I wanted, even though it meant going to Seattle. I didn't want to be the one to break the silence, but someone had to say something because the hypnotic blur of green and brown speeding by my window was giving me a slight headache.

"So, I thought I'd look into getting a car. I have some of mom's money already… that would basically pay it off and more than cover insurance until college." I said it half to the wilderness, afraid to look him in the eye. He nodded a little absently. I caught his reflection in the glass of my window, and it made me turn towards him. I tried to wipe my eyes as subtly as possible before looking over.

"Sue's about to sell Harry's old Chevy. You can have it." He glanced at me once as he spoke. I could tell from his expression that I reminded him too much of her. I blinked at the sudden offer. I could clearly remember the black and chrome of the Chevy. The last time I saw it, it had been fully restored and very pretty. I thought back to those sunny afternoons playing in the Clearwater's front yard, while Harry labored for hours waxing and polishing it. Having a water fight with Leah while trying to wash it as a surprise before Harry got home. And the hours in the back seat playing road games with Seth and Leah on the weekly fishing trips with our fathers. I couldn't take it away from his kids though.

"Leah and Seth don't mind?" I asked feeling a little guilty.

"Leah doesn't want it, I think it reminds her of her father. It's hard to tell most days. Not that's she's talking to me anymore." He was baiting me so that he could get something off his chest, but I didn't want to tackle that battle just yet so I ignored the bait.

"What about Seth, he's almost fifteen?" Charlie shook his head, and frowned obviously disappointed I hadn't responded to his unspoken problem.

"He's… angry. I... Seth's always off doing something reckless. Neither of us trust him with a car yet. He also doesn't want anything to do with Harry's stuff. It's like he's trying to avoid facing the fact that his dad is gone." Again he sounded a little overwhelmed, and it occurred to me he hadn't been an active parent in half a decade.

"Hmmm." I didn't want to add more until I'd gotten there. I couldn't be more happy to call Sue my new mother, since she was already like a second mother to me, and in a way she was more of a mother than mine had ever been.

Renee was extremely loving, but hardly a role model. Half the time I ended up taking care of all the household stuff, and as I got older she left more and more stuff for me to do, like pay the bills using her checking account. When Phil came into our lives I felt it was my duty to vet him, so I picked a fight to make sure he was the real deal.

I decided to stop the conversation before it could get into the nitty-gritty of family issues, and whatever was bothering him about Leah.

"How's the fishing been?" I grimaced. It was all I could think of to change the subject. I'd asked about fishing only a few times before in similar situations, and I was always too transparent.

"Right." He said with a sigh, shaking his head again in minor disappointment. "Well it's been okay." Then he launched into a short lecture on the virtues of fly fishing, I think. I'd heard it all on the fishing trips we took when I was really little, back before I stopped going. So I sort of zoned him out after a while. I didn't know why the distraction to his favorite hobby always worked, but I didn't question it, and the soft drone of his voice actually made the ride easier. The rest of the drive passed by relatively easily, and sooner than I wanted we were at the new house.

The place was bigger than I thought it would be, not a mansion or anything, but very comfortable for a family of five. Dad parked the cruiser on right side of the driveway farthest from the door. There was space big enough for another car next to it. The garage was also spacious enough to fit two cars at least, I wondered idly if Harry's Chevy was in there. I reasoned that the house was possible because of Sue's recently opened law office that was getting a lot of business, and Dad's promotion had given him enough money to live comfortably. I always got a big check every birthday and Christmas, since he was a notoriously bad shopper. I admired Sue for her ability to turn tragedy into something positive. After Harry died she went back school, and passed the Barr exam, while managing a full time job and being a single mother.

Having a good lawyer in town had proven to be a boon she wasn't expecting. We had stayed in fairly constant contact until she married Dad and her life got too busy. She told me that first day she opened was one of the scariest she's ever had, with nearly twenty clients all showing up in a four hour period. I knew it was ranked number three in the top nerve wracking moments in her life, after her first wedding night, and the night she spent alone for the first time after Harry was gone. I was looking forward to reconnecting to her the most, well except for Leah who had once been my best friend.

I hadn't talked with Leah in nearly five years, although I'd spent countless hours playing with her as a kid. Those happy memories were tainted by the fight we had before I left. It had all boiled down to Leah being pissed that I was going away. It was really a one sided fight, since I couldn't blame her for being angry. I did move away, and I did so by choice.

The foyer somehow had the same smell as dad's old house, pine and moss with just the barest hint of dead fish. I tried not retch as I moved into the living room, and thankfully the smell didn't continue past the entryway. I felt awkward, this was my new home and I'd never stepped foot in it before. The house was furnished well, with Sue's elegant tastes showing up the furniture and in the little details all over the house. I could tell Dad had very little to say in the decorating. He lead me up the front stairs to my room. It was bigger than my one in Phoenix, and had a nice view of the back yard and the forest beyond. There was a Jack and Jill bathroom that I would have to share with Leah, and my closet was practically a second room.

Sue had a good memory, I could tell she had picked out the new furniture with my tastes in mind. There was plenty rich dark wood and hints of purple, silver, and blue in the two paintings, ornate objects placed stylishly on surfaces, and some little tchotchkes that made me smile. Sitting on the large mahogany desk was a gorgeous framed picture of my mom. A large flat black monitor dominated the center of the desk, and next to the keyboard was a small silver foil wrapped box tied up with a purple bow. On the big carved wood headboard there was a big dream catcher hanging from the top, and in the far was corner a tall, mostly empty bookcase that had one shelf full of books I loved.

The bed was queen sized, and had new sheets and a big overstuffed purple duvet. Taking it all in made me feel immediately conflicted. This was a room I immediately loved, and it was one I would've ended up with no matter what because I'd told Dad about my plans to come live in Forks way back in July. I just couldn't find the right time to break the news to mom. She died never knowing I was going to leave her so that she could be with Phil during his tour of away games. That little hint of guilt seemed to rise up and punch me in the stomach, and made it difficult to stand. So I laid down on the bed, dropping my stuff on the reading chair by the window that looked out over the back yard.

I'd forgotten that Charlie was even there, and glanced back to see he that he hadn't lingered. My mother would've been on the bed with me, brushing my hair with absentminded strokes and humming some half forgotten song she couldn't get out of her head. For a moment I could almost feel her hand circling the small of my back, something she did to calm me down when I was sick or upset. I cried, off and on for a couple of hours lost in memories and reminisces, until Leah and Seth came home from school. Dad checked on me a couple of times without intruding, it reminded me how much I loved him.

I heard a short exchange downstairs, then someone came rushing upstairs. I listened as whoever it was pause at the top of the stairs, and then walk slowly down the hallway to my room. Then there was another short pause before a hesitant knock. I wiped my tears in a useless attempt to hide the fact that I'd been crying, before answering, and sat up wrapping my duvet around my shoulders. "Come in."

Leah stood in the doorway looking pensive, with an ever so slight scowl on her pretty face. "Hey sis." She smirked, and I frowned at the sarcasm.

"Hey. Been too long." Seeing her again reminded me why Leah had been one of my closest friends along with Angela, Jessica, Olivia, and Lauren. Last I'd heard she was dating someone named Sam, and it had ended very badly. I looked at her for a long moment, and tried to express how sorry I was. She frowned at me, her mildly smug smile turned into a frown.

"Ugh, you too. I don't know what Charlie told you but it's none of your business." She snapped at me, clearly irritated. Her anger was lost on me, so I tried to give her a look that would make her understand that I was out of the loop. After a moment of examining my face to determine whether I was having fun at her expense, her frown lessened, and then she shook her head at me.

"Oh, you really have no idea. I'm sorry." She looked ashamed, so I gave her a warm smile to placate her. The gesture was probably ruined by my puffy and bloodshot eyes. The edges of my lips twitched a little, smiling still felt a little weird.

"Close the door, tell me what's going on." I said as more of an order than a request. She hesitated a moment before she obeyed, and shut the door gently. Then she set my bag on the floor and plopped down into the chair by the window.

"I honestly have no idea where to start." She said clearly relaxing. The static between us was suddenly gone, and it was like no time had passed at all. The easy way we could just be in each other's presence returned. I shrugged in response, I wasn't sure what to suggest.

"At the beginning? Or not." I offered. She chuckled, and looked down at her hands.

"I assume you heard about Sam?" I nodded once, then she continued, "Okay, do you remember Emily?" Again I nodded, she was Leah and Seth's first cousin who lived a few hours away. Emily had visited enough that I'd gotten to know her a bit better than passing.

"Well Sam left me for her. The thing that kills me is we were good. I mean really close to being long term. So Sam goes away for a week, and comes back different. I mean… weird. I don't know how to explain it. Then Emily came to visit and the moment they took a single look at each other it was over. Suddenly I'm left behind. I still don't know what happened. I was totally blindsided, and I can't stop feeling angry all the time because of it." She did sound angry, but it was the kind of anger that came from true sadness and hurt. I could tell that she loved this Sam, no matter what the reasons were for the break up, I was on Leah's side. I got up and sat on one of the arms of the overstuffed chair, pulling her into a hug, which surprised her a little, but she seemed happy to have the support.

"If he can't see how awesome you are, then he doesn't deserve you." I knew it was a platitude, but it was the best I could do. She pulled away suddenly, wiping tears from her eyes.

"She. Sam's a she." She said timidly. I blinked a few times in shock, then smiled at her.

"Sam, short for Samantha I imagine?" Leah nodded once. "Well than _she_ doesn't deserve you." The look on her face spoke volumes. I returned to the bed, and pulled my knees up to my chin. It was nice to think about stuff that had nothing to do with my pain. It made me regret retreating from Charlie's need to talk earlier.

"I thought you were still pissed off over the fight we had before I left, and maybe because Dad talked about giving me the Chevy." I felt a little stupid assuming what her issues were, but I was glad she wasn't angry at me.

"I got over you leaving a long time ago. I realized that you needed to spend time with your mother, so there's nothing worry about. Oh god, I'm so selfish. I'm sorry." Her eyes flew open as she clearly realized that we hadn't mentioned my mother yet. I shook my head at her sudden shame.

"My turn, don't worry about it. I'm cried out, and I need to think about something else for a while." She gave me a sympathetic smile, I could tell she knew exactly what I meant.

"Okay, if you're sure. I don't mind talking about it if you need someone." I nodded a thank you, genuinely touched she would offer.

She paused for a moment, then continued, "I honestly don't give a rat's ass about the car. I kind of hated the boat, sometimes it felt like he loved it more than us. No, that's not fair, I know he loved us, but sometimes... anyway I have a Toyota that I love quite a bit, thank you very much. And mom's been trying to off load the beast for over a year now. If you like it, then I'm more than happy for you to have it." She was masking well, and her sympathy covered her pain to a degree, but I could tell there was something she was holding back. I wasn't sure I should push, but I couldn't let her deal with pain alone, not after she offered to be my shoulder to cry on.

"What aren't you telling me? Is it something to do with Sam?" I asked tentatively. She sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment. A couple of tears fell down her cheeks, and she pulled out a tissue to blow her nose a couple of times. Then drew in a deep breath and looked at me, stealing herself up for something.

"I, you don't know how much it means that you accept me. Charlie doesn't accept my choices. Mom tries, but she doesn't really know how to handle my sexuality. It's like this massive cloud hanging over my head, and it feels like I'm just a burden lately. I don't think they want me around anymore." She sounded like her world was falling apart. I looked at her horrified. I couldn't believe my father would be so intolerant. I moved back to the chair and pulled her into another hug, and this time squeezing tightly to let her know I was someone she could trust and would never reject her.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry. I'll yell at him later. You're not getting kicked out as long as I have anything to say about it." I said feeling an indignant anger that tempted me to storm downstairs that very second.

"You don't have to do that." She said sounding worried.

"You don't have to be afraid. I mean I went through something similar a while ago." I said directly, feeling the need to display confidence so that she could feel better about herself.

"You're a _lesbian_?" She asked as if the word was a curse.

"Not exactly. I'm bisexual. I had a boyfriend for a while, Michael. I thought I was in love with him, and began to get intimate, until he figured out he was gay. So it got pretty awkward very quickly. I was hurt, but not as badly as I thought I would be. So I started to wonder if maybe I liked girls more. That's when I realized I was into both. I had a girlfriend for a while, she's actually the reason I'm not dead, we were breaking up when the crash happened." I felt that pang of guilt again, for the thousandth time.

I paused and held my breath for a heartbeat, pushing down any unwanted feelings. The last thing Leah needed was to hear about my irrational survivors guilt. I started up again, ignoring Leah's curious expression. "Last spring, when I came out to my Mom she was floored, but totally supported me. It was one of the few times I've been proud of her, but Phil didn't understand, at first."

"What changed his mind?" She was staring at me intently.

"Mom, she talked at him until he understood. She is…was like a force of nature when she wanted something, or was trying to get a point across. She had a lot of power, and nothing was quite the same after she was done. I had to stand there holding in laughter for an hour as she lectured him." I couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"Wow, that's awesome." She gave me a slightly awestruck smile, but I could tell she had some mixed feelings about my story.

"I know, I..." I felt another surge of grief flow up from my throat strangling my words. I stopped the tears though.

"I am sorry about before. I thought Charlie would've told you. You know, he frowns whenever I mention Sam, it's almost like she doesn't exist in his eyes. I haven't even said her name for months. Do you really want to get in the middle of this?" I could tell she was desperate, so I nodded a couple of times emphatically.

"I don't know what to say." Her voice trembled a bit as she spoke, and her face finally lifted out of the scowl, beaming at me with a hopeful smile.

"It's the least I can do. Leah I'd do anything for you. You're still one of my closest friends, and I'm actually proud to think of you as a sister. I know I hurt you when I left, but I never abandoned you. Not in my heart." Another platitude, but one I felt genuine about. I was absolutely loyal to my friends. Leah sniffled a few times, and blew her nose again. Then she dried her eyes and looked back at me with such gratitude that it was hard to take.

"Don't you dare say thank you." I warned.

"Alright." She moved to get up so I stood with her. Then she gave me another hug, and started to leave. "I need a bit of time to think, could you get me when mom gets home?" I nodded once, and she headed out of the room. For the first time since mom died I felt almost human. I never thought dealing with someone else's problems would make things feels so much better.

Once she was holed up in her room I ventured downstairs and searched for my father. He was in the garage, tinkering with his still. A year or so before I moved to Phoenix, someone had given the still to him as a present and discovered that he thoroughly enjoyed trying to brew beer as a hobby. It was obvious he'd put a little more money into the still since I'd left to live with Mom. It seemed to have tripled in size since the last time I'd seen it, and now it took up almost half the garage. The Chevy occupied the rest of the space, which made everything feel a little cramped. I was mildly surprised it still looked as clean and well maintained as it had been when Harry was alive.

"I talked to Leah." I said tonelessly. He stopped what he was doing, and set down the socket wrench he was using to tighten the frame for the fermentation rig.

"Can I explain?" He replied without turning around. Although he did straighten up.

"Sure, I'm not sure what you can say though." I kept my voice flat, but I shook my head at him, even though he couldn't see me do it.

"Harry asked me to protect them, and I betrayed him by falling in love with Sue. I think I've been in love with her for a long time, I just couldn't admit it." He sounded broken, and his head slumped a little as if he had already given up his internal struggle.

"The car, you've been keeping it up to honor Harry?" I guessed.

"Yeah. I don't know how to be a good husband and father, and still honor my friend. It feels like I'm always second guessing myself." He finally turned around, and he looked horrible. He was a wreck, and my indignant anger faded immediately.

"Look, all she needs is acceptance. You could try to be someone that she can trust, if you can't be her father. If you think Harry wouldn't have liked her choices, toss those bitter reminders of intolerance away and make up your own mind about how you feel." I tried to sound at least a little sympathetic but I needed to know how he really felt.

"That's just it, I don't know how I feel. I mean I want her to be happy, but she's choosing a hard life, one where she might never be treated fairly, or have kids. It feels like if I don't try and fight for her to have a normal life no one will." I frowned at his ignorance, but respected his desire to help.

"It isn't a choice, it kind of just is. I can't help that I like girls, I just do." I said leveling a very serious look in his direction. It took a moment for him to absorb what I'd said, but when he did his eyes widened slightly and his mouth fell open a hair.

"Wait… wha….I... I... I'm sorry?" He stumbled over his apology. I narrowed my eyes at him. I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for; the unintentional insult or if was he pitying my sexual orientation too.

"What do you mean." My voice came out as hiss. I could feel anger already building.

"You're a les..." He started to say, when I detected the accusation in his tone I turned away from him without another word and stormed out of the garage. "Wait, Bella! I'm sorry." He shouted as he followed me into the house. I stopped in the kitchen and leaned forward into the butcher-block top of the island. My knuckles turning white from the pressure I was placing on the wood. "Would you look at me?" He said sternly. I stood firm. After another minute he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

My eyes met his, and I could tell he see my rage very clearly, not that I was bothering to hide it. I had suffered through two weeks of being in a fog, and a whole day of dealing with pent up emotions over my mother. I could almost feel myself building up to a breaking point like mercury rising dangerously high in a thermometer. I was ready to lash out at something in the worst way. Unfortunately for my father, he was about to get a lecture no matter what he said.

I held out my finger, which ended up directly under his chin as I started to rant loudly in his face. "Why? You're apparently so wrapped up in your own guilt, and your own worries about what Harry may or may not approve of, that you can't see it's hurting the people around you. You've got one daughter thinking that you don't want her around. Yes, she's your daughter now. You've got another daughter that's been here less than twelve hours who's now so pissed that she's ready to turn around and head back to Phoenix and stay with Callie through graduation. You've got a son, who is from what you tell me, angry at the world. And I can't help but notice this guilt didn't stop you from banging their mother!"

His eyes narrowed in a scowl, and I inwardly winced slightly. Maybe I went a little overboard with the last comment. In some ways Dad was like me, hard to rile, but when he did lose it, hit the decks.

Rather than let give him a chance to respond, since I knew he'd jump on the comment about Sue, I kept him on the defensive. "So what if Leah's gay? So what if I'm bisexual? Does that makes either of us less worthy of your love? Leah's upstairs nursing a broken heart and you can't get over this pity party you're throwing for yourself long enough to be a damn father. Something she _needs_ right now. Something I wouldn't mind having right now. A family which is supposed to love you unconditionally. If you've got a problem with any of that, let's have it out, right the fuck now." I accentuated those final few words to make a point.

His eyes widened at my tirade, especially because with every point I'd made I'd taken a step forward, forcing him to back up against the fridge. He swallowed visibly and I could almost see the light click on over his head.

His voice was apologetic and grew in strength as he spoke. "I'm… sorry… I didn't think…" He squared his shoulders a little bit. "I need you to understand something. I don't care if you're a lesbian. I'll do whatever you need me to so that you understand that. I'll go to any stupid support group you'd like, I'll march in whatever parade, I'll go out into the middle of the street and shout that I love my gay daughter. I just don't want you, or Leah to think you can only be one way. I just want you to keep your mind open so you don't regret your choices."

"What about your need to honor Harry?" I asked him worried that his change of heart was just a bit too quick to be believable.

"Fuck Harry. I didn't realize how big of a dick I was being until now.. I... should go up and apologize to Leah about Samantha. I can hear your mother lecturing me now about how I've acted." He sounded genuine, and his excuse made sense. I had no doubt that he loved me, and if he was sincere I could easily forgive him for being indecisive.

"Yeah, I told Leah about how she did that to Phil." I said looking down at my feet.

"I'll send her down to explain about the car, she's the only one that can get her started." I looked up at him confused.

"I clean her, she keeps the engine running." He explained.

"Oh, that's... she told me she didn't care about the car." I said suddenly worried that she really did want the car, but was too proud to admit it.

"If you like I'll ask her?" He said as I shook my head.

"No, I'll get it out of her when she explains things." I gave him a tight smile and pushed past him to the garage. I could feel his eyes on me as I left the room, but he turned towards the stairs instead of following me again.

I sat in the car for a long time getting the feel of her, trying to think of a good name. Leah startled me half an hour later when she got into the passenger's side and hit the garage door opener.

"If we're going over stuff, let's go and get her filled up. The station isn't far." I nodded and buckled up. "Thank you. I don't know what you said, though I did hear muffled shouting through my bedroom door, but I've never seen him like that."

"I just said that if he has a problem with you, then he has a problem with me. That opened his eyes a bit." I kept my eyes on the road, but gave her a small smile.

Leah looked at me, "Whatever you said, I can't tell you what…."

"I said no need to thank me, and I meant it." I cut her off seriously.

"Gotcha. So, Dad never named her, he was strange about stuff like that. She's temperamental sometimes too, but if you treat her right she'll last you forever." I smiled at that, it sounded like Harry. After a moment she continued. "The gear shift sticks in neutral a little so you have to shove it through the H. The clutch needs to be double pumped or it won't register, don't bother with forth gear, and you need to fill her up with mid-grade since that's what dad always used since he bought her in 83'. She also needs real oil, never synthetic." I stared at her feeling a touch overwhelmed.

"That all?" I asked sardonically.

"I think so. Oh yeah, the trunk will always smell like that so don't bother trying to clean it. I think dad left a cooler of fish in there for a month once and the stench permeated into the metal." She explained with a bit of a grimace.

"Lovely." I didn't try to hide the disgust in my voice.

"I know right." She grinned widely.

"So, spit it out. Do you want the car or not, I won't be upset either way. I have enough money for something else." She looked away, but I could see her frown in the glass of her window. I lingered for a second too long, but didn't lose sight of the road.

"I love this car, but it isn't mine. I could never drive her, I'd feel like dad was judging me every time I went over a pothole wrong. So no I don't want her, but I'd love to maintain her for you." I risked a glance at her again, and I could tell she was being absolutely serious.

I took her at her word, and didn't mention it again. We got home about an hour before Sue was due, and we ended up talking about Samantha and my ex-girlfriend Jocelyn in the kitchen. Again it was as if no time has passed since we were together, and as we talked I felt a new kind of happiness begin to form in the hole left by my mother. I had a family still, and they were people that I already loved. Charlie stayed in garage, he had a new batch of beer that he said would be his best ever. I was dubious, but Leah assured me that he was probably right. Then when he was out of ear shot, reaffirmed it, but said it was because he had yet to make any that was remotely drinkable, so pretty much anything he made would be an improvement.

Seth showed up about ten minutes before dinner. Charlie gave him a reproving glare as he nearly passed me by without saying hello. He gave me a halfhearted wave and a slightly fake smile before running up to his room. I glanced at Leah with a worried expression, she just shook her head.

"He's been like that since dad died. We've all given up, I think he just needs to work through it on his own." She said sounding a little defeated. I nodded a couple of times, wondering if maybe an outsider like me could help.

Sue showed up shortly after Seth had come back down stairs. She looked tired, but very happy to see me. She set her briefcase down, and made her way over to me directly.

"Welcome home Isabella." Sue said pulling me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and took in her scent, I'd forgotten just how much I loved her.

"She prefers Bella now." Charlie interjected before I could say anything.

"Well Bella, how does it feel to be back?" She asked pulling away.

"I'm not sure yet, but I think I'm glad to be here." I said trying to smile.

"That's fair. So how do you like the car?" She asked looking hopeful.

"I love it. I think it's perfect." I gave her a real smile.

There was a small pause as the room settled, but wasn't sure what to do next. Sue turned towards the kitchen and made a face, and Charlie caught it out of the corner of his eye. A second later he clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention.

"So Pizza?" Charlie suggested, and the room groaned in unison.

That night I was relieved that I didn't have the urge to cry. There were so many things that were crisscrossing through my brain, that I had to lie down to calm my chaotic thoughts. I wondered what was going to happen at school, and whether or not my friends would accept me after leaving them behind. I turned over my conversations with Leah and Dad a few times too.

The room was cold, and I could feel the night pressing in against the darkened glass of the window looking out over the forest. Shivering slightly, I wrapped myself up in my overstuffed duvet, and shuffled over to the computer. It took a few minutes to boot up, and when it did I found that Charlie hadn't even tried to set it up. It took another hour or so patching and updating, but then everything was set up the way I liked it.

It was frustrating to wait, because I hadn't checked e-mail since shortly before the crash. A part of me knew what was waiting and I hadn't been able to face it until that moment. So I took a deep breath as I opened up the client. There were several messages, most from friends saying goodbye, and one from mom written the morning she died. With a slightly trembling hand I clicked it open.

 _"Iz, just wanted to let you know we're headed out to Doug's housewarming party anyway. I know things are going badly with Joy, but I know you'll it work out. I've been chickening out about telling you some news, so I'm gonna do it here. I know it's sucky to tell you like this, but... sigh. Ok, so Phil just got an offer from Jacksonville, and I think it would be a great change for us. There's this perfect house we were checking out online, with a giant room for you. Anyway I'm sure we'll talk about it tomorrow, because we won't be home for dinner. Also I left some money for you to have delivery or something. If you need me, call Phil. I know, I know. I'll look into getting a cell soon, I promise. I love love you. - Mom."_

I read it five times, trying to hold in the tears but breaking down every time I got to that last line. All the heartache that had been healed by coming here, was trampled the first time I read the message. With each time I read it again, that small bit of hope that my life might be happy slowly disappeared under the elephant of grief as it gleefully stomped on my future. I thought about it for a long time, about everything I wanted to say. So I pressed reply and started to write.

 _"So you died a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I ever told you how I felt, not really. I love you Mom, more than I can really explain. I think you always meant well, but sometimes you didn't act like my mother. I don't hold it against you, because I knew you loved me with everything you had. I just wish I hadn't needed to be the grown up so often. Phil was a good choice for you, and I knew you were hurting because you couldn't be with him. So I was going to leave, move back in with Dad and spend the rest of high school in Forks. I'd already asked Dad a couple of months ago, and Sue even set up a room for me in their new house. I swear I wasn't trying to abandon you. I just wanted you to be happy. Now I miss you, so much. I hope you're in a good place, and that you're with Phil. I'll try to do the best I can for you, and I'll never forget you. But I can't grieve anymore, I can't be trapped by your memory every second of the day. I need to move on, and I need you to be okay with that. I'm sorry that I have to leave you behind. I guess that's it. I love you mom, and I will always keep you in my heart. Love love, Isabella."_

I sent the message into the ether, hoping somehow she might get it. I wiped my tears and blew my nose, and sniffed at the message sent dialog box until is faded. Then I shut off the computer, emotionally spent. I was about to get up and head back to bed, I was so tired and nervous about the next day, but the silver box I'd noticed earlier caught my attention. I picked it up and turned it over in my hand, and found that it weighed almost nothing. It was about four inches by four inches, and the wrapping paper was folded into the lid, so all I had to do was untie the purple bow to get to what was inside.

I set it down and stared at it for a long time, trying to decide if I wanted to wait until I was in a better mood so I could enjoy the gift a bit more. After dithering for a long moment I held down one edge and pulled on the ribbon. It unwound easily. Then I gently lifted the lid off the box base. Inside was purple tissue paper wrapped around something solid. I pulled out the bundle, and then held onto an edge of the thin paper so that the object could unroll into my other palm. The polished surface of the of the necklace chain glittered from the lamp light creating the illusion of a silver waterfall. Then an oval locket, also made of silver plopped on top of the coiled nest of the chain that had curled up in my hand.

I glanced at the embossed face of the locket and tensed up, I had a feeling I knew what was inside. I looked up at the smiling picture of my mother only a foot away from my hand, and rubbed my teeth back and forth in apprehension. With one trembling finger I opened it slowly, and found a small version of my favorite family photo inside. It was the three of us, before they divorced. I couldn't have been older than two at the time, and we seemed so happy. Not even a month after that photo was taken, Mom filed for separation.

I snapped it shut and examined the face of it again, running my finger over the relief of a phoenix. When I was little, Mom loved to tell me fantastical stories of elves and heroes, dragons and monsters. Her favorite was the phoenix, a creature birthed in flame that could return to life from its own ashes. It was probably the reason she moved there in the first place. I pulled my hair back and fastened the chain around my neck, and then tucked it under my shirt. Promising her that I would never take it off as I kissed my fingers and touched them to her picture.

I felt so drained, and I wanted the day to end. So I got up I dragged the duvet back onto the bed, and snuggled under its warmth. Before I knew it I had fallen into a deep sleep.

My dreams were weird, filled with running and things chasing me. The oddest part was the presence I felt lingering around the edges, it felt dark and evil. Like a monster waiting for me, taunting me into a blind terror. I tried to run from that presence, but no matter how far I went it was always just over my shoulder, laughing at me.

I woke up in a cold sweat, the digital read out of the alarm clock blinked 12:00 again and again. I'd forgotten to set it. This sent me into a minor panic, afraid that I'd overslept. Until I noticed the sky outside was still dark. I moved over to the window facing the back yard and opened it to the cool autumn air. The rush of chill focused me, and pulled me away from the nightmare.

I felt a swell of excitement for the first time in a long time. I understood the idea of " _The Undiscovered Country_ " in that moment. It was laid out before me, like the beginning of a quest full of wonders and fears. I stared at the lone tree in the back yard, so close to the forest that lay at the edge of the property. Yet it was alone, a silent sentinel stretching over the grass like a protective parent. My mind wandered, to the nightmares, and to the feelings circling around my head like hungry vultures. Would I be able to find a place here? Or would this place eat me alive?

A sharp gust of wind blew into the room, sending another chill down my spine. It felt like an omen, and suddenly I was frightened of the night. I shut my window and crawled back into bed, hoping it was just a lingering bit of nightmare clouding up my rational mind. Tentatively I began to shut my eyes, remembering at the last moment to set my clock against my cell phone. Then I fell back into that darkness, hoping that the next day would be a brighter one.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

This is the original version of Secrets and Covenants. It is going to be brutal, dark, and unforgiving. This version goes full horror in a couple of places, and deals with some extremely murky emotional stuff.

 **Changes to Canon:**

Most of the changes are background involving the Cullens which will come up as details throughout the story. The biggest departure involves Alice and her past which is wildly different. Also the relationship with the Quileutes is also very different which is why their house in a different location. Obviously there is a change in gender for Sam, which was done for a couple of reasons. Also Jacob is closer in age to Seth, who will come into the story much later on. There is more, but _**Spoilers!**_

 ** _Thanks for reading! Please take a few moments to send me your thoughts on this chapter. I like reading feedback (positive and negative), and you never know, perhaps you might even influence the way things play out!_**

 **Next Up: A Good Day**


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